8 Days

Judas, Juda-ah, Judas, Juda -ah, Judas, Juda-ah, Judas, GAGA.

Journey to The Sydney Monster Hall

School is nearly over, only one more day of school left to go.

Once that day is over, the only thing I will be looking forward to is july 13th!

The wait for that one day will be long and hard but I cannot wait for that day to come around and just take place .

I haven't looked forward to something for a while now, I find that my life's been like that lately.

I just have nothing to look forward to.

13 days

Degenerate, Young Rebel.

It's been almost 5 months since my previous post on this blog. I don't know what striked me to go back onto here, but something just clicked.

What's changed in the last 5 months you ask?

-Nothing much

I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

Deep down inside, I've given up, I've lost all hope for myself.

The Worst.

So it's Australia day and I thought I should post here, basically because I have nothing to do. I see people having fun, partying, but I feel so down.

I have so much stress on me right now, I have stress on me a lot of the times, but lately it's doubled. I hate the fact that I never tell anybody about it either, I always just write about it here, but when I do write about it here I'm still holding back. I never show my feelings either, I'm always smiling and what not, I guess that's one of the downsides of me.

Everything is just not working out, and it feels like everything is just bringing me down as the days go on.

My life at home is horrible, I don't think I've ever felt so bad whilst being at home. I don't know, I just feel like I was born into the wrong family... I don't quite exactly fit in with my family. They normally disagree with everything I stand for.

My social life is also quite horrible, I mean this exact date last year, I was feeling so much better, I had people I could surround myself, also I actually had PEOPLE. It's hard, I may have a lot of friends but that's over the Internet, not people I see on a day to day basis. I guess that's one of the things that have changed over the last year...

It was weird, I just finished Summer School. and I have to say, It was one of the best things I've ever done. I wanted it to last forever, but sadly it came to an end. It was horrible, the train ride home felt so bleak. I really did make a lot of good friendships. I can honestly say that summer school was the best thing I've done for a while. I really do miss everyone, even though it's only been 5 days, it feel's like eternity to me.

It's funny because as bas as I feel now, I know it's only going to get worse this year and for all the years to come..

Born This Way

Mistreated

You are delusional, how could you think that less of yourself? It's hard for me to just sit there and see you talk so mean about yourself. Truth is, people need to be made like you instead. You're filled with so much hatred, I just can't see you go through everything I do, you deserve so much better. You are underestimated, You are fucking perfect.

Apathetic

Christmas is just like any other day for me. It was nothing special, same routine as every other day. I wonder how people around me are all so jolly and happy at the moment. Christmas was better when we were all kids and nothing else on our minds but just lollipops and rainbows.

I got so much through my mind right now, life is complicated. Did anyone say life was going to be easy? No. I know I complain a lot but this year has just been so different to the last and the previous and all the rest. I feel Apathetic as each day goes by with no excitement, not looking forward to anyone. Deep down inside I know I have lost my innocence and my childhood, I've moved on and it really seems like I'm becoming an adult.

I hate that I have no one to talk to about everything I'm going through, there's just no one that cares enough to listen.

I hate how self conscious I am, with everything about my self, I do not like one thing about myself. It's funny cause earlier this year and last year I didn't, but that's all changed.

Earthfan.

FACT: One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else. There's nothing you can do but just smile, say congratulations and slowly start to fade into the background.

Why do the good die young?

The good Die young. It's a true statement.
I know this is hard for you, but just know all of your friends are here for you. If you need to talk to anyone of us. We are all here in support of you and your family!
I hope everything is okay! Just remember to stay strong and that it's okay to cry!

I didn't know you that well, but I've heard all but good things. Your memory will stay strong amongst your family and friends.

Rest In Peace, Chanel Mackenzie

Graduaation!

I know this is late as. But I GRADUATED!
Dinner was awesome. It was such a blast. The time I spent with the 10 people was amazing. I can honestly say they all mean so much to me!
Me and chantelle went to packcakes on the rocks! Which was a mission
Dinner at rashays! With the teachers LOL
We dressed up and everything :)
Then went to santo's house which was MEMORABLE! <3

Mess Of Mine.

I'm just really over my whole life. I wish i could just give it all up. No one cares what I go through nor does anyone understand. I'm out with it. My life isn't some happy fairytale like I make it seem, it's filled with problems, issues, rejection, A LOT of things I just don't need.

I'm fine I'm not okay.

I'm over it.

Sucks to be me.

Keep A Child Alive~

Donate to this wonderful cause. It is so nice to see everyone putting there money together for this!
http://buylife.org/index.php#lady-gaga
So far $106,659.03 has been raised!
I just donated $10 to help keep a child alive in India and Africa!
Fight Aids/HIV!

Reminiscent

You really don't realise just what you have until it's gone.

I would give it all to go back to how it used to be.

I play it all fine in the limelight, but I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.

Till the sunrise.

Second day of summer. Strangely enough it has been raining non stop for the last few weeks. I love rain. It Free's the spirit. It Liberates. There is just something about it that just makes me feel so much better.

Monday is graduation. I can't quite put my finger on if it's a good thing, or a bad. BUT just after that is lunch and dinner, which is exciting!
- Circular Quay, Pancakes on the rocks
- Rashay's for dinner

Fun.

Past Life

They say that true love hurts. Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder. That is what this must be. I would give it all, to not be living alone.
The life is fading from me, While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder, that is what this this must be!

Remember the time we, jumped the fence when the bands were playing, and we were to broke to get in. You held my hand and then made me crawl. I swear to God that it was the best night of my life. Or when you took me, across the world. We promised this would last forever but now I see.

It was my past life.
A beautiful time.

Going Insane.

I love you so much, but I don't know how to tell you. And I don't want to see what would happen if I did tell you.

I'm scared of loosing you.
They say that true love hurts. Well then this will almost kill me

Tomorrow is another yesterday.

I feel so out of place, Like I don't belong, but not to a particular place just life in general. My life has changed so much in the last year, way to much change for my liking. I don't know the point of my days, I look forward to nothing. I watch the clock tick, go around a full circle. I go to sleep, wake up. Live the same day over and over again.

I feel like I'm home sick. But only sick of living what I am now, and missing the old days. Back then, there was nothing to worry about, I had a reason to wake up to a new day, to people that wanted me around.

My life lacks interest, it sucks seeing you go on with your life like nothing affects you. I wish I was like that. I keep everything bottled up inside, and never express it on the outside. It feels like the whole world is moving whilst i stand there observing everyone going about with there lives cheerfully and living it to the full. I still long for the day where everything will be back to normal. Put back to its place. That's the day that I'm waiting for. I hold faith that it will come around, but as days go on, the more I begin to loose that faith.

Tomorrow is just another yesterday.

Freeze the moment.

This week has been so much fun, I can guarantee this has been one of the most fun I've had in my whole life.

The people I met, and gotten closer with, the inside jokes, MY TEAM <3 They were all amazing. It scares me that in about 2 years I will be finished school at this time. Never see 90% of people from school in my life. The fact that friends from my year are leaving this year to go other schools just makes it worse. I don't talk to every friend, but going to school with some of them for as long as 6 years, then suddenly not seeing them would kill me.

Truth is, I don't want to grow up. I want to live this moment, here forever.
This whole year has been the most amazing year I've had, this whole year has been an experience that I will never forget.

If There Was An Earthquake

Maybe Then You'd Love Me

How could you ever let me go?



In the words of the amazing Lady Gaga

Love Sucks

Ah I'm so confused at the moment. I hate it. I hate the way I'm feeling. I hate how you don't know how much you mean to me. I hate that I don't mean the same thing to you that you mean to me.

You have no idea how many times I wish I could have the courage to just tell how I feel.
If I tell you I really don't know how that would affect our friendship. Will it affect is positively or negatively? I think the main reason Im straining myself from telling you is because I know you can do a lot better. Lets face it you can.

I hate having bad self esteem

As much as I like you, I'm sick of it being like this.
should I be happy that I still have you as a friend? or be upset about the fact that I know you won't want it to be more? But don't worry If you say "Oh well can we just be friend" I'll be okay with it. It can just go with all the hundreds I've heard before.

Fuck, I'm so over teenager love, seriously. Its bullshit. Love = Bullshit.

I hate seeing you sad , I wish I could just say something. You affect me so badly. If you don't talk to me I will get paranoid that you hate me. If you do talk to me, I don't want it to stop. I go to school with you constantly bombarding my mind.

The hardest thing about this confession is I might just ruin what we had. I don't want to loose what we had. The hardest part is I know you will never look at me the same. I really don't want to spend my whole life wondering about how it would feel like for you to know.

I Hate being in love. Why did I have to fall in love with you?